January 10, 2011

I had a dream...the beginning is magical but the ending is horrific. I recognized the dream, as soon as I opened my eyes. It's a reoccurring dream I use to have when I was a little girl. I must've somehow blocked it from my memory bank until last night. The reason my dream decided it was time for a visit once again, must've been courtesy of my cousin E.

In order for you to understand my dream, there are things you should know. I believe all human beings are made up of energy, our bodies are merely our addresses here on earth. We posses souls and everything that a soul must encompass in order to work and be viable. I have always had the ability to absorb enormous amounts of energy positive and negative. This is not something I set out to do or even know how to do, that's just the way it is. When I am with people either physically or in communication with them, the feelings you receive from me are the result of the energy I've absorbed, which I am then able to reflect back to you. If you like what you get from me, congratulations you are happy with what the mirror is reflecting. However, if you don't ~ you better get to work, so that your reflection has an opportunity to grow and evolve and ultimately improve.

With that being said, you should also know that I can honestly say that I do not have the ability to judge people. I decided a long time ago, that people who spend their time judging others have no time to love. As for me, I'd rather love:)  I am and always have been an observer, I see things most people miss. Now just because I refuse to judge people doesn't mean I don't see motives & intentions...I do, very clearly. I just choose not to allow anything toxic into my life that's all.

My cousin E is by all accounts one of the most incredible persons I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I remember the first time I met him. My father supported his family in Spain. They left Cuba through Spain because they weren't allowed to come directly into the states. He and his sister, my cousin N were sent to live with us for a couple of months before my uncle & my aunt came to the states. I was excited to meet them both, I had only seen them in pictures. My cousins and I were together as children but I left Cuba when I was one, I didn't remember them. I loved him instantly, from the moment I saw him and the nice thing is that is was mutual. You can know someone your whole life and your souls may barely touch. And then there are those rare and monumentous occasions, when you meet someone and your souls touch and connect. You are elevated just by their presence and you know in that instant that the bond is forever, regardless of the things that may separate you in life.

On New Year's Day, I was visiting my cousin E and his family. His youngest son J is my godson. It was a gorgeous day for a visit, we stood outside waiting for his wife and the kids to come home from a birthday party. He's a storyteller too, he's actually better at it than I am:) I'm not sure how the conversation began (I was looking at a tree across the street, an oak tree that was odd & interesting). He was telling my husband and my kids a story and as he was telling it, he kept looking over at me and asking me, "don't you remember?" I would say no, "I can't remember but keep going maybe something will click."

HIS STORY: One Saturday morning my uncle, your mom's dad (my father) had planned a day outdoors. He was a hunter who loved nature and everything that had to do with being outside. We packed the pickup (I've always loved packing food & going on picnics, ever since I can remember) and we were off. We came to an open field already full of other hunters who were preparing their guns to shoot something. My uncle then tells us we were going to hunt pigeons. I stopped him there, pigeons are you sure? I remember hunting for a lot of things but never pigeons. He assured me it was pigeons. All the hunters stood in a straight line on the open field with their guns ready and waiting. My uncle turned back to us and said, "pay attention." Out of nowhere a ton of pigeons flew into the field. Then all you could hear where guns shooting and shells falling to the ground and some even on us. When the shooting had subsided it was time to retrieve the pigeons. He got one for sure maybe two. He yells at us to go, so your mom and I take off. He looks over at me, "nothing yet?" "Nope, nothing I don't remember this day at all."

We ran in the direction my uncle had pointed to find the pigeon. We were in the woods looking down to see if we could spot the pigeon. Your mom found it and she started crying hysterically (he then proceeded to put his hands on his head & over his heart and make you know, ugly crying faces) she starts saying things like, "it's not dead, it's suffering!" And sure enough when I looked at it, it was twitching and convulsing. I felt terrible:(  Your mom screamed, "don't touch it, leave it, let it die in peace, what a cruel way to die!!!" Needless to say she was so upset, I decided to leave it where it fell. As we were walking back towards my uncle, your mom turns to me and says, "just tell him we couldn't find it, that we looked and he must've missed the shot." I agreed, then she said, "you can't tell anyone." And we never did until right now. My uncle kept hunting but your mom was done, she just sat in the back of the truck and read a book. He killed twelve more pigeons that day. We got home to my grandmother's house and she made a rice with the pigeon's breasts. We all sat around the table and when she uncovered the pot (that's when it hit me and the memory of that awful day came rushing back) it smelled delicious and inside, mixed in with the rice were these little tiny bird breasts (he held his fingers like two inched apart). Your mom & I didn't eat that day.

I REMEMBER I TELL HIM!!! His wife and the kids pulled into the driveway and we went inside and continued to have a wonderful visit. We exchanged our Christmas presents and we talked about all sorts of things and I got to sit on the floor and play with J. It was a really nice visit. His wife pulled out family albums (another one of my favorite pastimes, looking at albums). His home is cozy, comfortable, warm & inviting. We said our goodbyes and drove home, which brings me to last night.

My day was complicated, I had lots to do. I made a yummy breakfast, everybody clapped when they were finished. They like to tease me like that. Sometimes I get standing ovations for my cooking lol!!! I went to bed around midnight. As soon as, my head hit the pillow I was out.

MY DREAM: I'm a bird (and yes you guessed it, I'm a pigeon). I can fly anywhere I want. I fly over rivers, oceans, cities and little farms. My dream is so vivid I can feel the wind on my face and beneath me (an amazing feeling), I can hear my wings flapping and all the sounds around me, cars, children, other animals ~ everything!!! I'm basking in the sun, I feel the heat, I can smell the trees and flowers and I'm enjoying my flight to the fullest. Then I come upon an open field, I recognize the field and stop in mid flight.

All of a sudden images flood my brain. I hear gunshots. I feel a tremendous sharp pain in my chest. I can't breathe. I feel weak like the life is being drained out of me. I feel something wet & warm running down my chest. I try to stay in the air but I can't, the harder I fight to stay up the more difficult it gets to breath and the faster my heart beats. My wings start to feel heavy. I start to spin out of control and very fast. The ground breaks my fall. I can see the sky and the trees but slowly the image starts fading. I see two children ~ it's me (at age 12 and my cousin E). The twelve year old me says, "oh no, poor bird you've been shot! Don't you know by now that you shouldn't fly into this field? Surely you must, we've done this so many times before. You're smarter now, you can avoid the things that hurt you. PLEASE, don't fly here again!!!"

I open my eyes (in my dream) and I'm in mid flight still. I see the field! Only this time I see the hunters waiting. I see the young me looking up and I now, I know that I have to fly far enough to be out of the hunter's range. I fly around the field, I avoid the hunters and when I look back at the young girl on the ground, she's smiling and without having to say a word, we know ~ I DID IT!!! For the FIRST time ever, I have the ability to continue to fly in my dreams and in life while avoiding the hunters (toxins)!!! I can soar even higher NOW:)

For each of us is created to die, and within me I know, I was born to fly! (This I know from memory & it's not my original thought. I just don't know who should get the credit).

No matter what happens tomorrow, look for something good:)